hey stranger

i really shouldnt be up this late so ima use all mah mad skills to type all quiet. and be gangsta.

i am super tired right now. and im pretty sure either someone has to pee or they heard me typing because those sound strikingly similar to footsteps. damn. mah mad skills werent mad enough. huh. quieter now. ah well shall we continue. my cat has tried climbing on my lap like seventeen times now and i keep setting her back down and then she does it again x.X ...

i was distracted a second ago with this whole boardie thread about posting your crush stories. it was seriously depressing. all of them had such cute stuff and all the guys sounded so sweet. like why does this happen to other people. oh and it totally didnt help that like two days ago this guy that i [had?] been best friends with since sixth grade and only started seriously liking toward the middle of eighth grade and who i havent talked to in three months was sitting like ten feet in front of me for almost an hour at a freshman football game. and i am so super gutless i didnt even talk to him. and then he got up to leave and i was like hey. no. you arent allowed to leave because im not done telling myself over and over again to go and sit by you while i stare at the back of your head. then i went home and sat on my bed and i was a little weirded out but feeling okay in general then all of a sudden out of nowhere i just start crying like crazy. twas very bad. and i must [have?] like[d?] him a lot because im so not the type of person who gets nervous around guys. i am so effing lame.
i dont even think my bf (who was part of the reason i didnt go talk to him) knew he was there. cause she kept looking at me, me totally not watching the game obviously, like what the heck are you looking at freak. im like lol. robin = distracted much.

and then as if that werent shitty enough, today i got a whole crapload of badness for lunch. theres been this whole thing going on with someone who used to be my friend, and then started acting like nothing happened, and then today it all just blew up. i was like on the verge of puking and hitting someone in the face in very equal amounts sitting in the corner of a locker room bathroom for like ten minutes at the end of the lunch hour. and all the soccer kids were like holy cow what the heck is she doing. o.0 . i am soooo way overdosing on drama lately. they really should take those pills away from people my age. but im definantly not interested in a repeat on monday, so i is probably going to hang with chase for the rest of my life. i love the rest of my friends and all, but they still hang out with the source of all this, which is fine and everything, but i am not spending time around her anymore. sorry for the immaturedom. but i cant do that again. its like im a year younger and a lifetime smarter than every fucking girl in my class

so what else can i rant and be all negative about. i think thats about it. not that this itself isnt enough to fill up my brain for a few weeks.

piglet: "pooh?"
pooh: "yes, piglet?"
piglet: "oh nothing, i just wanted to be sure of you"

second star to the right

its that consequence on my tongue, "guilty conscience" thing

i woke up this morning to the lonely pillow beside me and said that this town was gonna sleep here tonight
nothing makes my day like knowing youll never be okay
but im not entirely alright
and i cant imagine you wanting it any other way

tonight is nothing more than the way you lost yourself on the wrong side of never. youre hiding behind it again. youre taking pictures for everyone to see the clever way you cover yourself up. fix it with a drug. fix it in your mind and close your eyes tight to keep it from coming out.

"put your hand between an aching head and an aching world. well make them so jealous. well make them hate us."

our computer is back, as well as the ancient keyboard that makes more noise than a jackhammer. i guess surfing the internet and posting my random thoughts here when i cant sleep is out of the question. that means back to using the regular journal, you know the one filled with overlapping poems and bad handwriting from scrawling in the dark. ill try to make them legible enough that i can post them here the next day. "its gotten crazy for the first time in a long time"

my sister coined the phrase "nonsensical poetry" about three seconds ago. i think that says a lot about the way i write when [i am alone in this bed house and head].

never mind the way i dont care what you have say
shove it in your back pocket because we both know how it feels
cant you tell me aything without that disaster relief tone of voice
you cant hide anything love. nothings more than truth or less than you
even with your shirt on, your heart is bare

whoops

i just realized i totally posted on september eleventh and didnt say anything. sorry world. i wish i felt more strongly about it, but i was like seven when it happened so it didnt mean all that much to me when it happened. like obviously i feel bad about it and respect those families and everything, but... you know.

theyre calling for extras in a new fall out boy video(i dont care) as of yesterday.
(((edit... lol. i just realized how petty i sounded just then with my change of subject... ha ha)))
first five hundred. not that i would probably be allowed to fly to LA on a random date anyway, but in my best judgement five hundred people have probably already sent in. but that would be sooooooooooooooooooo amazing you cant even fathom it.

i dont really have much else to say except that folie a deux is gutting me like a pumpkin and carving a smile on my face. pete keeps giving us tiny little snippets of amazingness, such as that brendon urie and gabe saporta have both been in the studio to sing on the record. and that theres growling involved. that made me very happy. mr peter is probably the best screamer in the history of forever, and that honestly isnt even my biased-ness talking.

got a panic at the disco poster for my room, to go with the fob rolling stone cover and the hoards of random doodle-esque pieces of paper taped all over the place.

you tell him every day hes perfect. i have one objection
with every word you say he wanders further from perfection

second star to the right. always

music and school and sun and insomnia

these are a few of the things that i somehow cant seem to escape. love them or hate them theyre there, you know

anyway. am i getting more boring or are people getting less interested. or more lazy. because it seems no one bothers to comment on this thing anymore. not that im deeply scarred or whatever, but it was sort of fun to feel like i was writing these with some sort of purpose. and reading comments entertains me. so comment damnit

i am extremely extremely muchly hoping that i get to see panic at the disco(again) AND the cab live next month. not that ive ever played rock band in my entire life (rock band live tour) but who cares right. and dashboard confessional, who i like, but am not super duper excited about. i am entirely in love with the cab and obviously panic, tho. so hopefully that happens for me.

also hopefully for me... hopefully something noteworthy and guy related happens soon. i absolutely hate liking someone for certain reason, such as feeling slightly pathetic, but at the same time once you stop liking someone all the fun is taken out of waking up at five am. lol not that there was really much fun to begin with, but it just gives more meaning to going to school. and i mean im having fun anyway but i miss the drama. it detracts from the monotony

in geography class today i descovered i get bored more easily than almost anyone on the planet. the teacher was giving us the answers to a quiz wed just taken so that we could correct it ourselves for studying, and like two seconds in im not joking i completely forgot she was talking and started drawing a moon on puppet strings and bordering my paper with crazy insane stuff. and then everyone started packing up and im like "...crap."

theres things that i have done you never, should ever know

second star to the right. always

scope it

new fall out boy single, "i dont care" -

http://www.falloutboyrock.com/falloutboy/blog_detail.php?uf_item_id=1-106092&uf_system_id=1

..."say my name, and his in the same breath, i dare you to say they taste the same"

<3<3<3

total freshy

first week of high school went faaaast. and it was way too amazing. lots i want to tell but not sure ill get to it all. ill try.

first day was fun in a confused-but-not-the-only-one kind of way. me and j-leno were pretty much inseperable the whole day. neither of us had any idea where we were going and we just kept cracking up laughing at ourselves. im glad hes at prairie with me. ive known that kid since second grade and hes way cool. also found out chase is accually going to prairie. he said hed be going to bg. what a liar. but i forgive him. he walked with me to my bus and we talked which was cool cause i hadnt had a lot of time for that the whole day.

second day went pretty normal-ish. chase was too busy reading harry potter(hes such a trekki) to walk with me again, but i had fun anyway.

third day was a pep-rally and a dance. THAT was amazing. the pep rally was kinda corny in a fun way, but hey whatdya expect. my sis and neighbor both went to the dance, but none of my other friends were there. it wasnt really a huge bummer tho. im good at making friends. i danced with alone in the thick of the crowd for a while but by the end i found a few guys to dance with. [...note to sister: if youre reading this right now and laughing... i will kill you]

yesterday was also fun. i got some more info on possibly going to paris with my french class this summer (:o) thatll be super epic. im pretty darn excited. i officially know like 14 franch words now. woo hoo.

so thats basically it. again with the waking up at five in the morning, the almost-falling asleep while my science teacher rambles about corn, and all that. i am most definantly going to have fun this year.

ps vitamin string qaurtet's cover of time to dance by patd is breathtaking
you know i had to say something about music

second start to the right. always

wont talk long

"please dont go. i need you"
sorry. i must sleep a tad bit tonight though. tomorrow i have school. that sounds right in my head but feels wrong in my body which is at this moment particularly aching for rest. sorry body. my brain disagrees.
funny the things you remember from summer. one scene sticks out in my head for some reason. maybe because it sort of sumerizes these past two months for me. i remember sitting on the chipping-red-paint rail of the bridge down past our house over the little creek, in my cutoff jeans, swinging my feet and listening to "sitting waiting wishing" by jack johnson thinking about where i am and what i want in terms of how far from making sense of anything i am.
no that was not a clever connotation of what i was thinking based on the song. it accually happened that way. or maybe the song subconsciously put those thoughts in my head.
or maybe its four in the morning and our smoke detector needs a new battery. maybe my head needs a new battery. maybe i wish i had something to tell people about my summer. maybe i have no idea what im saying or why right now. maybe i should stop.
maybe this means more to you than i could ever possibly imagine. and maybe no one cares as much as wed like to believe they do

second star to the right. always