well then

lots of new stuff. lots of not-so-set-in-stone stuff. lots of crazy. lots of talking. some lying. some wondering. cant break free of any of it and i dont know if i need to

i hate circles

startsomethingstartsomethingstartsomethingstartsomethingstartsomethingstartsomething

blameless

it surprises me how very little material stuff matters in my head

and how much all the social/psychological crap matters. not to repeat myself, but i honestly wonder if my "followers"(lol at the term)of this blog got tired of all my complaining and shit because no one ever comments anymore. if you are one of these people of which i speak... i dont blame you, just so you know. i always figured i would scare people away if i ever actually opened up my head and let the contents hit the keyboard

thanks baby for your analogy. because its true and i hate that. i hate that youre always right and sometimes i appreciate it a LOT and sometimes it drives me crazy. youre one those people that fascinate me. you and him. except i cant ever know you. i know him. well, kind of at least.

silver drops of water that are worth absolutely nothing and you know they mean a thousand times more than your four karat. god i hate that thing though. your words hit me harder than i know they should and i wish someone would just punch me hard enough to knock some sense[s out] into me. im at the edge of the page, end of my rope, last of my ink, pit of my thoughts. you can see it and its ugly. i dont like being ugly and i think that you must not like me when im ugly either. sorry for being ugly

cant stop. wont stop. i must be dreaming

"would you like a side of the stomach flu to go along with that emotial meltdown?"

the correct answer to this question would be "why not?"

medium rare, please.

oh yeah, and to balance out the complaining a little

i was a bumblebee for halloween. i may post a picture, but itll probably be forever in the future when i decide to be un-lazy and nobody cares anymore. my halloween this year was probably the best halloween ive ever spent. ive decided my sisters friends are sort of more fun than mine. sorry my friends.

"you know youre jealous of my skittles"
"oh yeah, well i got starbursts"
"... ill trade you my skittles for your starbursts
.
.
.
.
. oh wait... these arent even mine"

clandestine batheart pumpkin. very posh. trick-or-treating for about fifteen minutes. super fun party with super fun people(yes, the ones who are funner than my other friends). great costume. no rain. lots of grounded fog.

and the next day i got to sleep over with my other(sorry slightly not as fun) friends which was good, since i havent really been able to talk with erin for a while.

still caught up in my own head with my petty problems, but beyond that the past two days were pretty great

oh goodness

new love life[or lack thereof] crises that i should be able to post on here, if anywhere, but sadly i dont think i will. this time seems so far-fetched im not sure its even worth your time. thankfully not the same guy as last time, though. i mean, im not sure this crisis is any better, in retrospect, but it feels good to be able to say ive moved on once - maybe i can do it again. i hate everything about my life at the moment though. gah. someone please explain to me why i keep putting myself in destructive situations. youd think you could just be like "no. it hurts every time, so im just not going to do it anymore". but no. lots of sighs and rolling eyes

hope you get more sleep than i do. hope you havent given up on my potential to be a decent, less self-absorbed person yet. im trying