nothing new

and yet im posting. probably because im bored. good enough reason? i believe so.

did a lot of singing yesterday. accually thats all i did. funny how that can accually keep me entertained for like seven hours. and it did. flawlessly. i didnt even eat anything except for once before noon and once at eight thirty. music distracts me. when im thinking things and talking and whatnot i dont really get to appreciate a song as much as i do when its ridiculously loud in my ears at night.
"inside your headphones the outside world doesnt matter" - peter wentz
thats why i always try to listen to a song for the first time either when im alone or in my headphones. but it also applies to songs ive listened to countless times. it happened with "the patron saint of liars ad fakes" this morning. i listened to it yesterday and, you know, was happy because obviously i like it, but i was thinking and singing and being conscious. this morning i wasnt thinking. i was just existing and feeling. and when the first chord of that song came on my stomach absolutely turned. in the best possible way. it still amazes me what certain songs can do to me.

found this piece called "a poets advice" by e.e. cummings. i personally liked it alot:

"A real human is somebody who feels and who expresses his or her feelings. This may sound easy. It isn’t.
A lot of people think or believe or know what they feel—-but that’s thinking or believing or knowing: not feeling. And being real is feeling—-not just knowing or believing or thinking.
Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but it’s very difficult to learn to feel. Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody - but - yourself.
To be nobody - but -yourself— in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
As for communicating nobody-but-yourself to others, that means working just a little harder than anybody who isn’t real can possibly imagine. Why?
Because nothing is quite as easy as just being just like somebody else. We all of us do exactly this nearly all of the time—and whenever we do it, we are not real.
If, at the end of your first ten or fifteen years of fighting and working and feeling, you find you’ve loved just once with a nobody-but-yourself heart, you”ll be very lucky indeed.
And so my advice to all young people who wish to become real is: do something easy, like dreaming of freedom—unless you’re ready to commit yourself to feel and work and fight till you die."

last nights attempt to waste a few hours by coming up with a concept that i could write about and accually form a decent amount(like, more than one paragraph) of lyrics about kind of failed. i did manage another pointless snippet of poetry that has nowhere further to go though...
"dont you think your sky
is so much better than mine
the stars above your head
brighter just before they die"

if i had enough musical knowledge to write the music to a song, i have a feeling it would probably have a sort of panic at the disco/metro station/forever the sickest kids kind of feel to it. im a pretty big fan of the techo-esque sound, with really funky keyboard parts and stuff. im an even bigger fan of songs that can continue to be catchy and dance-able, while there lyrics are deep and occasionally cynical. panic and fall out boy are seriously accomplished at that. fob being a little less dance-able than panic but still with appealing beats and the best lyrics ive ever heard.

anywho... im going to see the broadway production of phantom of the opera tonight at keller auditorium. i think i spelled that wrong. oh well. i havent been in school for two months. opera should be fun. my dress isnt very opera-ish(black with big pink-and-grey absracty polka dots) but i love it. itll probably also be my homecoming dress. freshman this fall... only two more weeks x.X

be seeing you. second star to the right