new record is hot

they say theres a common thread that binds us all. but what if i sewed you up with an uncommon one and then fell in l o v e with the scar

killing time

basically sucks. especially when your house temperature is practically below freezing. really wish i got cell reception at my house. for real. the loud-ness of this keyboard is driving me insane. my shoulders hurt. i compare too much. still waiting for you. hopefully youre not asleep or else this is mostly obsolete. my head feels not as lonely as i would have expected without music playing constantly inside it. i really cant figure out why songs stopped getting stuck in my head. feels later than it is. i guess because its winter, which means its extra quiet, plus everyone is hard asleep. like, cold meds and prescription pills hard. i truly wonder what it feels like to sleep that much. like, would it be good, or would i feel guilty for not getting up with the rest of the world. sometimes i want to hit myself for complaining about the insomnia so much, but mostly i just want to hit her for telling me i need to wake up three hours earlier to do work, to save her labor, because shes too tired all the time. she sleeps through the day every day. i dont even fucking sleep at night. i dont care if im a bitch about it, or even if its self-indused. i cant even understand that.

wow did not mean to rant just then. sorry. im sick of waiting for something that might not even be coming. i should probably just go to bed. ugh. please tell me something good about your day. i feel like listening, and i havent been doing much of it. i keep refreshing the page and nothing changes and im starting to feel like this is pointless.

i hate wanting anything this much. im also kind of hungry. how do those two thoughts even collaborate in my mind.

much love,
ro

ps that actually felt very genuine to type. odd. usually i kind of feel like im bullshitting everyone (or just exercizing my oxymoron skills) when i write that. not now. not at 11:36pm on december 5th of 2008. not right now.

well then

lots of new stuff. lots of not-so-set-in-stone stuff. lots of crazy. lots of talking. some lying. some wondering. cant break free of any of it and i dont know if i need to

i hate circles

startsomethingstartsomethingstartsomethingstartsomethingstartsomethingstartsomething

blameless

it surprises me how very little material stuff matters in my head

and how much all the social/psychological crap matters. not to repeat myself, but i honestly wonder if my "followers"(lol at the term)of this blog got tired of all my complaining and shit because no one ever comments anymore. if you are one of these people of which i speak... i dont blame you, just so you know. i always figured i would scare people away if i ever actually opened up my head and let the contents hit the keyboard

thanks baby for your analogy. because its true and i hate that. i hate that youre always right and sometimes i appreciate it a LOT and sometimes it drives me crazy. youre one those people that fascinate me. you and him. except i cant ever know you. i know him. well, kind of at least.

silver drops of water that are worth absolutely nothing and you know they mean a thousand times more than your four karat. god i hate that thing though. your words hit me harder than i know they should and i wish someone would just punch me hard enough to knock some sense[s out] into me. im at the edge of the page, end of my rope, last of my ink, pit of my thoughts. you can see it and its ugly. i dont like being ugly and i think that you must not like me when im ugly either. sorry for being ugly

cant stop. wont stop. i must be dreaming

"would you like a side of the stomach flu to go along with that emotial meltdown?"

the correct answer to this question would be "why not?"

medium rare, please.

oh yeah, and to balance out the complaining a little

i was a bumblebee for halloween. i may post a picture, but itll probably be forever in the future when i decide to be un-lazy and nobody cares anymore. my halloween this year was probably the best halloween ive ever spent. ive decided my sisters friends are sort of more fun than mine. sorry my friends.

"you know youre jealous of my skittles"
"oh yeah, well i got starbursts"
"... ill trade you my skittles for your starbursts
.
.
.
.
. oh wait... these arent even mine"

clandestine batheart pumpkin. very posh. trick-or-treating for about fifteen minutes. super fun party with super fun people(yes, the ones who are funner than my other friends). great costume. no rain. lots of grounded fog.

and the next day i got to sleep over with my other(sorry slightly not as fun) friends which was good, since i havent really been able to talk with erin for a while.

still caught up in my own head with my petty problems, but beyond that the past two days were pretty great